6 months. i think many people are reliving that terrible day in their minds today, remembering yet trying to forget. the day everthing changed. i remember that fear, that heart wrenching 'will we be here tomorrow?' fear. thankfully, it has abated somewhat, but a bit of it will always exisit. so sad. so tragic. so many people who died needlessly...their familes who must deal with the grief...i am so thankful for all that i have, friends, family, a wonderful life. *sigh* i couldn't watch the tv last night. hearing an interview on npr with one of the men who was filming during the tradgedy was enough. why? damnit, why?

from 9.11- 9.13...
6:24 AM looks like a plane just crashed into the world trade center...no details, but that just does not sound like a good thing... --

7:23 AM i am scared. after listening to NPR on my run this morning, and now seeing the television, i am really fucking scared. hijacked planes? full of people? one tower COLLAPSED? a plane into the pentagon. what is happening?? i can't remember the last time i was this..this..scared/sad/worried. karin lives just north of there, e.14th ave. i hope she is ok...just heard from karin. she is ok.

as i read over what i have said in this journal....it all seems so trite. and meaningless. i hope all of your loved ones are well. the people who did this were very smart, very calculated. they knew exactly what they were doing. i hope it's over, but i am frightened it is not. --

8:09 AM everytime i try to do anything, my mind resonates with thoughts of the tradgedy, lives lost, people grieving. i feel guilty doing anything. i have run out of words to say, i have a feeling many of you are having similar feelings about this. what do we do now? is it ok to just go on with our lives? in my mind, perhaps niiave, things like this were unimaginable. but now they are real. very real. if someone told you four commercial planes would be highjacked and crashed into prominant public areas, people would've been quite skeptical. not now. my emotions are all over the place, changing by the minute. take care of yourselves. tell people close to you how much they mean to you.

6:59 AM those first few moments of a morning...when you have first woken up, eyes half open, when your mind is slowly beginning to turn on, and you are thinking about the day to come. those moments are sacred to me now. because in those few precious moments my mind is back in that old comfortable place. the time before. a time that will never exist again....and then reality hits.