it's new. and somewhat improved. and once i get my shit together and figure out how to host this on my site, not blogger's, it will be complete. but, now you can comment. that is, if you'd like.

today? today was an odd day. i need to figure out just where my life is going. not an exact path, but some semblance of one will do, thank you. ever had an an experience where you planned everything out, did it, and then - now what? i keep looking for someone to say 'hey, alissa, THIS is it. it's what's next'. but i have to do that, take the initative. i feel as if my mind is just, well, everywhere. which isn't a bad thing, but isn't an easy thing either.
so, i decided to head east. visit the grandparents, visit my old friends in the city (new york. i know, to californians, the City is san fransisco), and mr. shepard, possibly wes upstate. just to relax. dan let me down once again. why the fuck can he not understand that when he tells me all week that he will take time to have lunch with me on friday, reminds me that we are having lunch on friday, and friday comes and he cancels at 12:45pm, i am hurt. frustrated. disgusted. i did not get married to be walked over like this. it's been happening for years. i have been patient 'it will change' i said, 'give it time'.

i really don't think it will anymore. and, in many ways, i really don't care anymore.

today? it is gorgeous. autumn-y....that low sun, slightly overcast sky, that feeling in the air. the change of fall...something new, something different.

i think i may rent momento tonight. have been wanting to see that one. and, i have only twenty or so pages in the book i am reading. it is enlightening, and slightly depressing at the same time.
damn, do i write freaking novels, or what? :P