All is lost never to be found
When the tears fill up my eyes and no one is around

I feel like I'm slipping outside myself
As the water rushes all over me and tears fill up in my eyes

And I feel like I could cry
If I had the breath I'd scream
Why is this happening
I feel like I'm slipping outside myself

i always thought, as a teenager, that when i graduated college, found a job, got married, blah blah blah, i would be ME. and i would know, with confidence who that me was and where that me is going. but that me isn't so certain - i can look at where i came from, what got me to where i am today. but i can't seem to figure out where i am going. could someone tell me where to find that life instuction manual? i seem to have misplaced mine.

g.w. was in sacramento yesterday. closed off a bunch of the downtown streets, and wouldn't even allow pedestrian traffic near the auditorium where he was speaking. he then flew via an air entourage that consisted of: three Chinook military helicopters, two marine one helicopters (one real, one decoy), two f-16 fighter jets and one awacs early-warning radar plane to travis air force base where he spoke again. heard this on npr, then read it in the paper:

Bush sought to assure the military personnel that their sacrifices have a purpose. He told the story of a 4-year-old boy whose father had been shipped out from Travis. According to the boy's mother, the president said, he has been telling neighbors that "Daddy's saving the world."

"The boy's right." Bush said.

i am afraid that the world, at least as it used to be, is beyond saving. and i am conflicted inside as to how i feel about this bombing. there really isn't a 'right' way to fight this war, and i don't know if it will ever be won. we have already lost. at least a major battle. one that snuck up behind us...what kind of battles will we face in the future?

i am probably thinking way too much about all this...

...yup. i am. but then, after hearing on the 'california report' this morning that they are concerend at the diablo nuclear power plant about air stirkes (the 3 foot concrete dome can withstand a 7.5 earthquake, but it is not likely to withstand being hit by a plane), as well as in san onofre. then, this. i lived about an hour from three mile island as a child, when there was almost a meltdown. my college was 15 minutes from diablo. to be honest, i never really thought about living that close. me and my damn trust. what if they would've decided, 'hell. screw the WTC. we'll get 'em good by hitting a neuclear site'. fucking scary. argh. i need to stop reading this stuff...