i miss the castro kids.

i found a notebook from college. one that i kept interesting quotes, pictures, inspiring thoughts, calvin and hobbes comic strips and whatnot. (hmm. i just like the word whatnot. makes me think of 'on the shores of silver lake' by laura ingalls. they build a 'whatnot' which is a stack of shelves designed to fit into a corner. i love those books) on the first page i have a single quote: be the most enthusiastic and positive person you know. august 1994. i haven't been doing a very good job of being that person recently.on the second page is the only writing that is mine, a single journal type entry. dealing with the end of a relationship (my first 'love'), as well as finding out one of my best friend's now-ex-girlfriend was pregnant - at 19, i was realizing that the real world is just that.

'well, after today things can only get better. what a full confusing day of emotions and surprises. i feel very vulnerable and old...having to deal with issues i have avoided in the past. they were always someone else's problems, not someone i knew'....'a feeling of independence and freedom. i also feel as if i am so close to being the person i aim to be, slowly climbing to the top. so much growing has been done in the past year, i have learned so much about life, love and relationships...but there is so much more to be learned, as there always will be. and there are always many more tomorrows to look forward to.'

what happened? i was so close, but now somehow i feel so far away.