why do i feel like i am just waiting for someone to tell me what to do next?

It's so easy to let yourself freeze in an intersection because you don't know which direction to go in. We've all done it -- just stood there, staring at the signs and arrows, worrying that if we pick the wrong road, it'll turn out a big old waste of time and leave us right where we started, so we'd better stand there a while longer until someone gives us a guarantee or tells us where to turn. But it doesn't work like that. Nothing is guaranteed. You have to pick a direction and go in it, and if it's the wrong way, you have to trust yourself to get back to the intersection and choose another way and not worry about falling behind or whether it looks to other people like you don't know where you're going, blah blah blah.

That grief racking your soul is actually paralysis. It's not that you don't know what to do; it's that you're afraid to do anything, in case the thing you pick to do doesn't come out right, and I can sympathize, but it's time to pick a direction and go in it. At the very least, it'll allow you to eliminate one road if it doesn't work out. As my dad once said, it's better to regret doing something than to regret doing nothing.

Nobody knows what they're supposed to do. God knows I don't. Concentrate on the doing, not on the not knowing. -tomato nation