someone wanna buy me one of these?

ah, procrastination. on a sunday night. just like college. i have a big proposal due tomorrow, and i have been 'working on it' for days now. thought it was almost done. decided i want to change it. why? i don't know. though, my inlaws are downstairs. they're great people, but i just don't feel like talking. and i can hide up here at my computer. it's like i am scared that my confused.conflicted.c(well, some other c adjective)ed mind will reveal itself to them. and, hey, i am married to their son. don't want them to think i am as loony as i sometimes (well, more often than not recently) am.

i was listening to an inteview with aaron mcgruder today. he's the author/illustrator of the comic strip 'the boondocks'. i admired his strips last week - he took an interesting look on the 'yes i am a great american look at all the flags i fly and of course i wear my redwhiteandble ribbon everywhere' (whew) people. american culture baffles me. truly and completely. all of a sudden you are not a worthy citizen if you don't have old glory on your car anntenae, plastered in your living room window, worn across your chest.

i don't know how i feel about being an american anymore. yes, i am appreciative and grateful for the freedoms we have. but our consumerist culture disgusts me. our lack of understanding - hell, refusal to acknowledge - of other countries and cultures is sad. why does everyone in the world have to do it our way to be successful? there are many ways to live. it's confusing. i don't want to see more people die. and i am struggling to see how these bombs are winning this war. and i worry that bush will use the war to attack the environment - to drill for oil in alaska, further cut finding to our wilderness areas. you may think it is silly to worry about the earth in a time of such crisis, but i do. though, the cynical side of me is worried that we will now destroy the human race before we have a chance to destroy our environment...

sunday night's ramblings were brought to you by the bog monster.