befuddled. that word is on my brain, in those little foldy things in the grey blob that hold information. and it is making me quite, well, uh, befuddled.

On my way came up with the answers
I scratched my head
And the answers were gone

oh...to all of you new york drivers i complained about? i take it all back with humble apologies. the new winner of the 'alissa driving critiques' is.... (insert drumroll noise here)..oregonians. saw a couple of accidents, many people driving slow slow slow in the fast fast fast lane. and people drove the speed limit. or slower than the speed limit. now what is that all about? the speed limit is posted so that you know (or at least think you know) that you can get away with driving 5 mph faster than that number. though, in oregon, the signs simply said 'speed 55' not 'speed limit 55'. maybe that has a different psycological effect on people. they pump your gas for you in oregon, too. it's the law. the LAW! the first night in oregon, dan and i were driving around town, trying to figure out why all the gas stations were closed at 9pm. when we finally found an open one, i remembered why. if you're lucky they'll wash your windshield, too. they better, considering gas was $1.88 a gallon. sheesh.

one more war thought. i keep telling myself i need to shut up about this...but...what if we do kill bin laden? how will we know? do you think they will TELL us? and what do we expect from killing him? surrender? i highly doubt they will say 'well, you have killed bin laden. you win. game's over. could you stop dropping those bombs now?' uh, i don't think so. hmm.

off to san diego for a wedding...dad's house tonight, hotel tomorrow and saturday. sleeping places 18 and 19. i like this. maybe i will try sleeping in different rooms of the house, just to keep the trend going. the laundry room is pretty damn small, though. i could camp in the backyard...sleep on the roof...am i getting a little carried away? well, yeah. but it would keep sleep interesting....i sleep well in strange places, often better than i do at home. not sure why.

making up for my vacation by overblogging. i will be gone for a few days again, rehersal dinner, shower, wedding...i am the token 'wife of the best man'. but many of my old friends should be there. fun times, i'm sure. at least at the reception. and i have a great dress. and shoes. as long as i don't break my ankle walking in them...

weird weird weird. everything just seems, well, weird. sitting here is weird. the air here in sac feels weird. poofy! here i am. back to normal life. i didn't think it would feel so strange. back to normal is feeling oh-so abnormal. i suppose a month being gone from routine will do that to you. i guess i just assumed i would be looking forward to this routine again. i used to be a slave to my routine. everyday. the. same. thing. and i would freak if something got in the way of my schedule. now? now i want anything but the same. different became so interesting...so much out there to see, people to meet, places to explore, things to learn. but here i am, back in the same old life. did i think that going away for a month would make it somehow different?

now i am itching to move to the pacific northwest....portland, perhaps, if i am in a city mood. bellingham, for a small college town. bend, small town, awesome climbing (smith rock) closeby. they all sound fabulous. and here? not so fabulous. flat, hot, boring sacramento. beh.

thanks, chad. i am lazy about housekeeping around here. everything is fixed up now.

'it's not all the muslims, it's not all the arabs, but there are radical militant islamics who are out to do in america - completely. they don't want peace, period.'

from an american who had lived in the middle east, and decided to return to the states. hearing this makes me angry. at the world. that so many people don't see peace as a solution, or for that matter, even a possibility.

experiencing life away from television, away from newspapers...on my trip i knew that we had started to attack. i knew that the war was here. now. but, i felt somehow removed from it, living a life where my priorities were focused around exploring new places, meeting new people, having new experiences. it was a kind of reassurance that life as we used to know it still exists.

i am scared. not of my house being bombed. not of a plane being hijacked. not of a contaminated water supply. i am scared of a changed world. one in which we are fearful of everything. everybody. everywhere. and, in reality, that time is here. we can never ever guarantee that there will not be terrorist attacks. no matter how many bombs are dropped in the middle east. there will always be those whose will is to terrorize those they are against. this threat was always there, really, we just didn't realize it before. but now we will realize it forever. my greater fear is that these attacks will evolve to biological and neuclear weapons....weapons that do not discriminate. weapons that are out to destroy everybody. i hate thinking 'it will never be the same'...

whew. i have slept 17 different places since september 15th. been all the way to the east coast, spent time 15 miles from the canadian border in bellingham, washington, and i am headed to san diego tomorrow night for a friend's wedding. seen many different places - central oregon, seattle, portland, washington's north coast, the california redwoods and its north coast. it is strange to be 'home', knowing that waking up i won't have that 'what exciting/interesting places will i see today?' feeling...i have enjoyed stepping into these places for a day or so...experiencing life there.

a trip highlight in seattle...at dinner sunday (pike's place public market) i was reading through the free local entertainment guide. discovered john mayer was playing that night, 3 blocks from the hostel where i was staying. a tiny club. only about 100 people there. dan and i had a great time. there were two college age guys standing next to me during the show. nosy me was 'overhearing' their converstation - they were talking about a band they know of that covers dmb tunes. and one of them said:

"yeah, they do a great version of that numbered song....number 42."

i bit my lip to keep from laughing. anyways, the show was great - opened with why georgia (my favorite) and closed with comfortable. the first couple songs and comfortable were just john, with the rest of the band joining him for the rest of the set. and i must say, that boy has a huge mouth! looked like he was going to swallow the microphone. :) funny banter between the songs...and a pretty long set, considering he doesn't have a huge catalog of songs. just a fine fine show. stoked i got to see him. totally stoked.

ok. this has taken forever...no typing in ten days=slow slow slow typing...more tomorrow. hope y'all had a great week....