YAY! (again. i have sure been yaying an awful lot lately. who really says 'yay' anyways? or woo, for that matter. but they seem to work well here)...anyways....

got comments over on the new site...so it is 100% up and ready to go...i am going to keep this site for archival purposes, so if you are really dying to read about my musings all over again, they'll still be here. (it links from the {past} on the new site). so, *sniff* my final www.taking.blogspot.com post. a moment of silence, please.

enough of that...get on over to the new pad...once again, in case you don't feel like going to the post below...

http://www.kaleidoscopeyes.net

(so if you ended up here, and are confused, just go there, please. thanks!)

yay! i did it. *bows* got this thing on my own site. the blogback comments don't work there, so i am probably going to publish my oh-so-exciting musing in both places. a werid looking bug just landed on my screen. which is streaky because i spat coffee all over it this weekend when i was laughing. anyways, head on over and check it out. and you wonderful people who link to me? could you update the link? muchas gracias. cerveza. banos. (my spanish)...

http://www.kaleidoscopeyes.net

why do i feel like i am just waiting for someone to tell me what to do next?

It's so easy to let yourself freeze in an intersection because you don't know which direction to go in. We've all done it -- just stood there, staring at the signs and arrows, worrying that if we pick the wrong road, it'll turn out a big old waste of time and leave us right where we started, so we'd better stand there a while longer until someone gives us a guarantee or tells us where to turn. But it doesn't work like that. Nothing is guaranteed. You have to pick a direction and go in it, and if it's the wrong way, you have to trust yourself to get back to the intersection and choose another way and not worry about falling behind or whether it looks to other people like you don't know where you're going, blah blah blah.

That grief racking your soul is actually paralysis. It's not that you don't know what to do; it's that you're afraid to do anything, in case the thing you pick to do doesn't come out right, and I can sympathize, but it's time to pick a direction and go in it. At the very least, it'll allow you to eliminate one road if it doesn't work out. As my dad once said, it's better to regret doing something than to regret doing nothing.

Nobody knows what they're supposed to do. God knows I don't. Concentrate on the doing, not on the not knowing. -tomato nation

Senate Rejects Auto Fuel Standards

*sigh* how did i know it would turn out this way? we haven't raised fuel economy standards in 15 years. look at how much technology has changed since 1987. how far we have advanced. if someone told you that you would be talking to your friends in a little box on your computer screen in 'real time' or that there would be cell phones the size of a deck of cards back then, what would you have thought? yet, as far as automobile fuel efficency, we have not made the strides we could. automakers use scare tactics, saying that we would all be driving 'unsafe' subcompacts and 'whole towns' would shut down because automakers would close plants. huh? they're not recommending that people stop driving. people will still need cars. automakers will still need to manufacture cars. just more efficiant ones.

furthermore, in case you don't get a chance to read the article:

Separately, the Senate by a 56-44 vote, directed that pickup trucks be exempted from future mileage increases, keeping the requirement at 20.7 mpg. The amendment does not affect minivans or SUVS, which technically are in the "light truck" category.

what? considering the percentage of suvs on the road has increased exponentially in the past five years, why do they still lump them together with 'light trucks? they're not light trucks. they're behemoth kid haulers. that suck up a rediculous amount of gas. maybe that's why they all have american flag stickers on the back window. to show their support of the elected officials that keep them on the road, keep them filling their tank every three days, keep them driving 50 in the fast lane with the driver on a phone. some days i think the us just may get it together. then i realize that those thoughts are just wishful thinking.

Maturity involves being honest and true to oneself, making decisions based on a conscious internal process, assuming responsibility for one’s decisions, having healthy relationships with others and developing one’s own true gifts. It involves thinking about one’s environment and deciding what one will and won’t accept. - Mary Pipher

started getting this on the new site. almost there. hopefully by tomorrow. *crosses fingers* *and toes* *and arms* *and eyes* :)

chrissy's site led me to an article in tomato nation on 'mean girls'. i had read the editorial in my newspaper this sunday, and related all to well to it. read the article in tomato nation with tears streaking down my face, remembering how hard those days were at 11 years old - how hard i tried just to get them to like me. damn, maybe i am just in an emotional mood, but those are some painful memeories. some days they did, some days they didn't. i never knew what the next day would bring.

i remember in 5th grade, we used 'made up' names. we each choose a new name, and we called each other by these names, even wrote them on our school papers. (why the teacher let us do this is beyond me). we had name tags on our desks with our new names. i was absent one day (i had migraines often - now, as an adult, i realize that most of them were caused by stress) and returned to find mine torn up and my desk moved away. i begged them to let me back 'in', apologized. they looked at me like they never talked to me before and laughed. and i went home with a stomachache and headache once more. it baffled me then, and continues to today, why girls are like that. in high school i learned that they just weren't worth the effort. i became friends with people who liked me for who i was, and watched many of the 'cool' girls fail classes and leave school. i went to a small school, and never realized how not-alone i was. i know this is somewhat of a whine-y post (i guess you got what was behind door number one...and you can't try again. :) maybe tomorrow), but if you get a chance, read the article. oh, and 'the cat's eye' by margaret atwood (one of my favorite authors)...

today, i have decided is an ice cream day. no laughing! yes, i know i have a lot of ice cream days. but today i think is an ICE CREAM day, meaning skip dinner and hit the festivus. bought half-baked frozen yogurt last week. the cookie dough and brownie hunks were good, but the yogurt was just ok, and it really needed something swirly. caramel would've been nice.

can someone get them to carry one sweet whirled here? i'm waiting....(ahem. obscure princess bride reference. whenever i say 'i'm waiting' that pops into my head)

hi kids. don't really have anything to say. so why am i writing anything? i really don't know. if you can tell me, you can have what's behind door number three. no, i am not telling you what it is. but if you don't like it you can trade it for what is behind door number one. but, sorry, if you don't like that, you're stuck with it.

gotta get this thing off of blogger. goal for today. woo.

6 months. i think many people are reliving that terrible day in their minds today, remembering yet trying to forget. the day everthing changed. i remember that fear, that heart wrenching 'will we be here tomorrow?' fear. thankfully, it has abated somewhat, but a bit of it will always exisit. so sad. so tragic. so many people who died needlessly...their familes who must deal with the grief...i am so thankful for all that i have, friends, family, a wonderful life. *sigh* i couldn't watch the tv last night. hearing an interview on npr with one of the men who was filming during the tradgedy was enough. why? damnit, why?

from 9.11- 9.13...
6:24 AM looks like a plane just crashed into the world trade center...no details, but that just does not sound like a good thing... --

7:23 AM i am scared. after listening to NPR on my run this morning, and now seeing the television, i am really fucking scared. hijacked planes? full of people? one tower COLLAPSED? a plane into the pentagon. what is happening?? i can't remember the last time i was this..this..scared/sad/worried. karin lives just north of there, e.14th ave. i hope she is ok...just heard from karin. she is ok.

as i read over what i have said in this journal....it all seems so trite. and meaningless. i hope all of your loved ones are well. the people who did this were very smart, very calculated. they knew exactly what they were doing. i hope it's over, but i am frightened it is not. --

8:09 AM everytime i try to do anything, my mind resonates with thoughts of the tradgedy, lives lost, people grieving. i feel guilty doing anything. i have run out of words to say, i have a feeling many of you are having similar feelings about this. what do we do now? is it ok to just go on with our lives? in my mind, perhaps niiave, things like this were unimaginable. but now they are real. very real. if someone told you four commercial planes would be highjacked and crashed into prominant public areas, people would've been quite skeptical. not now. my emotions are all over the place, changing by the minute. take care of yourselves. tell people close to you how much they mean to you.

6:59 AM those first few moments of a morning...when you have first woken up, eyes half open, when your mind is slowly beginning to turn on, and you are thinking about the day to come. those moments are sacred to me now. because in those few precious moments my mind is back in that old comfortable place. the time before. a time that will never exist again....and then reality hits.

it's only just begun....

http://www.kaleidoscopeyes.net

there's actually something there! woo. i am planning on getting everything transferred over by the end of the week. *crosses fingers* i'll be sure to keep everyone in the loop de loop. :)

in the mail the other day i recieved a 'goddess' catalog from nike. goddess? whatever. they have a new shoe that is made out of woven strips of leather. according to the catalog, the sneakers use 'long strips of fabric and waste fewer resources. pardon me? using strips of fabric wastes fewer resources? what? does nike really want us to believe that they are suddenly environmentally friendly? after sending me a catalog i didn't request - 20 pages printed in color on difficult to recycle (and nowhere does it say it is made out of recycled paper) glossy paper - and producing a surplus of shoes that they charge an exhorbant amount of money for as well as being made with questionable labor practices the want me to think that buying a shoe made with strips of fabric wastes fewer resources? excuse me, but bullshit. i'm sorry, nike. nice try.

there was also an interesting picture in the catalog:

is it just me or does that resemble a firedancer tattoo? i somehow doubt that is what it is *supposed* to be, but i found the picture interesting.

why is it that whenever they have a fast food restaurant in a comic strip or cartoon it is called 'burger barn'? is it the delight in the 'you are eating a cow' image? that people who eat fast food are akin to barnyard animals? curious.

note to all of you considering washing your electronic devices: mp3 players don't do well in washing machines. mine is now dead. i will certainly be checking my pockets more closely when i do laundry...

speaking of pockets, that missing driver's liscence from my portland-day-from-hell story? went skiing friday. reached into the pocket of my ski pants to get the trail map, and what did i find? yup. there it was. in the only piece of clothing that i didn't check the pockets of...likely because it was packed in the ski bag. can't figure out why i didn't find it in the same pocket when i was skiing in oregon, because it was there then...i think i am just going to stop looking for things i lose and wait for them to turn up. they always seem to eventually.

n*sync performed at the arco arena last week. included in their setlist?

'N Sync also covered tunes from the Beatles ("She Loves You," "I Want To Hold Your Hand," "Hey Jude," "Twist and Shout") and a medley of songs by the Temptations, including "My Girl" and "The Way You Do the Things You Do."

there just seems to be something wrong with that. something very very very wrong. hey jude? they covered hey jude? what? i must admit, though, i wonder how it sounded...hmm...

i am one step closer to getting this thing off blogger and onto my own site...kaleidoscopeyes.net coming soon...

the scattered parts of my mind this sunday morning. i think i need some coffee. a lot of coffee.