goin' to see g love tonight. stoked, i tell you. STOKED. dreams are like fish, ya gots to keep on reeling

comments weren't working, but reblogger is now fixed! whoo damn hoo! thought i had screwed something up. comment away. tell me. how do you really feel? (that is from some movie...is it the princess bride?)

our local NPR station, Capital Public Radio, is now changing to all all talk/news format. i am a happy person. we are even going to get 2 hours of BBC news, along with All Things Considered and Fresh Air. oh, and here is an article and sound clips from the kronos quartet.

another interesting walk last night. i am beginning to love these evening walks more than the dogs. i was thinking about some discussions i had earlier that day with a someone. and the phrase 'people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones'. and then i thought of a project i did in second grade, mrs.stagerwalt's class. (why oh why do i remeber this? i can't remember stuff people tell me 5 minutes later, but my memory of second grade is vivid) where we had to draw a picture of an idiom. mine was 'the pen is mightier than the sword'. i created a scene of a buffed out pen (his arms had big muscles) and a skinny, wimpy sword fighting. in a library, surrounded by stacks of books.

what would it be like to be in a glass house actually throwing stones? imagine a stained glass house, on a bright day, the sun shining through the panes and creating a kaliedioscope of colors on the floor. and taking rocks and hurling them at the windows, shattering them. assuming, of course, that this was non-cutting glass or you were somehow protected from being injured. the brightly colored pieces would rain down around you and the patterns on the floor would shift as the glass fell. it would be a surreal, beautiful experience. not likely, but fun to imagine. sometimes i wonder how i think of this stuff.... :)

it's new. and somewhat improved. and once i get my shit together and figure out how to host this on my site, not blogger's, it will be complete. but, now you can comment. that is, if you'd like.

today? today was an odd day. i need to figure out just where my life is going. not an exact path, but some semblance of one will do, thank you. ever had an an experience where you planned everything out, did it, and then - now what? i keep looking for someone to say 'hey, alissa, THIS is it. it's what's next'. but i have to do that, take the initative. i feel as if my mind is just, well, everywhere. which isn't a bad thing, but isn't an easy thing either.
so, i decided to head east. visit the grandparents, visit my old friends in the city (new york. i know, to californians, the City is san fransisco), and mr. shepard, possibly wes upstate. just to relax. dan let me down once again. why the fuck can he not understand that when he tells me all week that he will take time to have lunch with me on friday, reminds me that we are having lunch on friday, and friday comes and he cancels at 12:45pm, i am hurt. frustrated. disgusted. i did not get married to be walked over like this. it's been happening for years. i have been patient 'it will change' i said, 'give it time'.

i really don't think it will anymore. and, in many ways, i really don't care anymore.

today? it is gorgeous. autumn-y....that low sun, slightly overcast sky, that feeling in the air. the change of fall...something new, something different.

i think i may rent momento tonight. have been wanting to see that one. and, i have only twenty or so pages in the book i am reading. it is enlightening, and slightly depressing at the same time.
damn, do i write freaking novels, or what? :P

don't wanna miss these camel races!!! hurry! tickets will sell out soon!

i was pondering comic character's ears this morning. some comics hide the ears and pretend they don't exist. some draw them as silly representations. and some just us the generic looking'c' shape. are ears that hard to draw? i think way way too much. i eat too much i drink too much too much too much. (damn. i can never say too much without that one popping into my head)

happy fucking friday. just my usual Friday greeting. started saying that long ago, i am still not sure why. What? you wanted to know why i quit environmental planning? why i was so frustrated with the job? i wanted to save the world! create areas planned for people & the environment, not for developer's wallets. perfect example here.

the airport here in sacramento was built in 1967. they built it in a logical place, about 10 miles from the city center, in an area that was surrounded by a floodplain. residential growth is not allowed in these areas due to this potential for flooding. about four years ago, the dams and levees in the area were reinforced. this pulled the area around the airport (natomas) out of the flood zone it was in, allowing for development. the developers, with big dollar signs in their eyes began developments almost immediately. i wrote environmental impact reports and negative declarations (CEQA) for housing 'planned communities' (just shitty suburban development) in the area.

i KNEW this would happen. the airport? been there for 34 years. the noise does not bother anyone. so what is just the logical thing to put next to it? HOUSING? i don't think so. i said it when i was writing the neg decs - they are going to build these houses, and everyone that lives in them is going to bitch about noise and sue the airport. DUH. the airport was there FIRST. YOU chose to buy a house near it. the airport did not choose to put itself next to you.

this is why environmental planning frustrated me. anyone with half a brain could figure out there would be noise conflicts in this area. however, due to the environmental policies, as long as the projected noise imapacts were within the allowed levels (which is still LOUD), there was not a 'significant impact' and there were not findings in the neg dec or EIR that would prevent development. logically, the noise impacts would be too much for many people. but policy-wise? nothing to stop the development

it makes me angry. and bummed. why do we continue this fucked up development pattern? i know, i know. it's all about money. grr.

it's Friday take care of yourself today. take a nap. you deserve it. whether it is to curl up under your desk george costanza style, or to go to a park at lunch and lay under the trees on this gorgeous early autumn day, do it. corporate america needs to realize we are people, not machines, and sometimes there are more important things than work.

hmm. might have to check this maze out. oh and speaking of mays, comment should be working this afternoon. thanks, mays.

went for a walk last night, and my mind was just ON, racing thinking...some cliff notes of my thoughts....

i think many people my age suffer from WITHN- what in the hell now? do it all-car house spouse edumication career. what next? we are seeing a life of working 50+ hour weeks just to be able to fufill the american dream, which very well may not me your dream. but doing thins differently isn't se easy, either. my friend karin's started grad school at NYU. and was suprised at how young her class was. in the past (according to her) students were more like 25-28. now a majority are 21-24.only could stand 2 years of working hell. what in the hell now? you don't know? go back to school. i wish i could.

what am i thinking of now? doing web design and work and education for a environmenal organization whose principles mirror mine, hoping to deal with children. or work on climbing gym computer systems (dan built a cool one for granite arch) and teach yoga/climbing also....geez. i don't know. it's tough. but, change is fun.

and i decided to alternate running with yoga in the mornings. ashtanga, more intensive flow style. started practicing yoga for physical aspects, now it is as much for the mental. i used to practice 3-4 times a week, and have let it fall to the wayside. i wish there was a good yoga studio here. i wanna live somewhere where i can take yoga classes, maybe teach and learn more about eastern thought.

these walks are ponderous, enlightening, sometimes profound and often interesting. it's me. i find her here. and iwant to keep her with me all day. who am i? it's wierd how on these walks it all makes sense, i fully understand, and plan. i fear letting these thoughts go, but they always seem to mellow in time...

looks like comments are hard....can't change file permissions on my server, which is necessary for greymatter to work. hmph.

hi dan! dan, you see, he's my husband. :) but i think y'all already know that....