happy two two two. tu tu tu (a really fluffy tutu?) to to to (does that equal from?) too too too (i eat too much...) tew tew tew (eeewwww) 2.2.2.

6 more winter weeks. bah. sounds like new york finally got their winter...why does anyone live in buffalo? snow is one thing, buffalo is another...

the new jcrew catalog (no link for you shopaholics. damn jcrew clearance sales) and i noticed an interesting phenomenon. there are 5 or 6 pages in the catalog of shoes. thongs, mules, boots, loafers...yet the only models wearing shoes are on the pages with the 'office' clothing. in all of the other photos the models are either barefoot - 75% of them - or in thongs - the other 25%. guess going barefoot to work isn't all that feasible. but, why, with all of those shoes, aren't the models wearing any of them? it's not as if they are all in bathing suits and sundresses. some of the models are in sweaters and jeans. with bare feet. aren't their feet cold? odd. i wonder why this is? that if you pay full price for their clothing you'll never be able to afford shoes?

happy february. that annoying month that just insists on being different. has to have its own number of days, different than all of the other months. on top of that, that number isn't even a constant, as it fluctuates every four years. usually. sometimes more often. then it's tough to spell. no may, june, april here. has this extra phantom letter lurking about to confuse grade school kids (and spelling challenged adults, who often avoid spelling it by simply using 'feb' or '2'). then there's that groundhog thing tomorrow. so february not only screws up our calendar, our spelling, but our seasons, too. the east coast already had spring, though. will they get another? or a belated winter? sheesh! happy february, anyways.

actually, i wanted to post so i kick that 'pink lady' illustration to the archieves. it's messing up my formatting. :)

oooo...oooo....i just got an email from ticketmaster! guess what the subject is? no, really. guess. yup! you got it!

Subject: *NSYNC & more cool events happening near you!

nsync? wow. so who's coming out to california to go?

still stuggling. but if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.something somewhere will tell me what's next. or so i hope. i am getting terribly impatient. i can not bring myself to make a decision. stuck. i certainly don't want to go back. i am afraid of what will happen if i move forward. here i am. at am impasse. waiting. waiting. what for? an answer? a command? an order?

i tend to be a decisive person. yes. no. not that. i love this. i usually don't hesitate, i go with how i feel. this has rarely let me down.

then why can't i figure out how i feel? a fairy godmother would be useful right now. i could make do with a crystal ball. or even a fortune teller. anyone have an old magic 8 ball lying around? while you're looking, can you see if you could find your old rubix cube, too? i seem to have lost mine. it must be hanging out with my mind.

all i know is i don't want to be here. anymore.

too many things interest me. i can't decide which would be the most rewarding. i shudder to think of a cubicle job again. i worked like that for almost two years, and i believe it sucked at least 5 years from my life. it was worse than the machine. at least that was over quickly. now, few people love their cube jobs. i know that. but i used to think that if i found a 'rewarding' cube job, i could somehow enjoy it. i am now thinking it has less to do with being locked in four half walls covered in mauve fabric stuck with pushpins and memos and pictures of your dog...i believe it is a reflection on how i feel about the world. what kind of lives are we living? for what?

i don't want the life i was raised to lead. a fairly normal suburban california kid. my 'goal' was an 'important' desk job. where they were supposed to pay me enough to prolong the american bad dream. yes, i loved that life growing up. it was all i knew. it was a life desired by many. at 18, i left.

i moved on. discovered other ways of living. found people that were so satisfied, so fufilled, so rewarded by a simple life. the did what they loved. they played music, read books, had long discussions, cooked glorious meals. i was enthralled. THIS was it. i can't explain it, really. but i knew. life woulnd its way down the curvy path it seems to follow. and THIS was pushed to the side, seen as a dream...i can't stop thinking about that life that i have tucked into a protected corner of my mind. if i let it out, who knows what will happen?

re: my planning rant from a few days back

AB 680 passed the first hurdle

i am stoked. just stoked. maybe this will make some big changes...

more lame quizes...now i'm a font! i have always wanted to be a font. though, i don't know if redensek would be my first choice. (i know, i know, i promise to stop with the quizzes. but it was to be a font! a font! doesn't everyone else have font obsessions?)

oh tuesday bill clinton spake at uc berkeley. the newpaper selected some interesting quotes:

'september 11 was the dark side of the new age of globaization and all its benefits'
'unless america finds a way to help more impoverished people of the world share in its economic prosperity, and teach them how to help themselves, attacks like september 11 are always a threat'

'i can tell you, it's a lot cheaper than going to war'

'half the world was left out of this economic expansion. half the people on earth live on less than $2 a day. a billion live on less than $1 a day. a billion people go to bed hungry every night. not suprisingly, they don't think as much of this new world as many of us do'

hello? george w? hello? hellllooooooooooooo? nope. nobody home. i don't know how exactly we are going to change, but this economic expansion cannot continue forever. if everyone on earth were to live an 'all american' lifestyle (complete with american flag sticker, big mac and a tract house on a postage stamp lot) we would need at least 7 planets to provide the resources required. i somehow don't think this defense spending is on exploring new planets for development...

heehee. i like this one:


Which drink are you?

looks like somebody is finally trying to preserve some of the 'old fashioned' names once given to ampetheaters, ballparks and stadiums. sure, they don't need to exercise any creativity when naming them anymore. it's easy. just call it verizonpacdunkintargetpepsi. i happen to find the dunkin' donuts center amusing. a new stadium is being built at candlestick point, and a county supervisor proposed that 'candlestick' be kept as part of the name. bravo! it's about time. as long as they don't call it verizon wireless candlestick (a wireless candlestick? huh?) i think it's a positive step.
* * * * *
state of the union address tonight. i hope you all have large objects ready to pitch at your tv screen as bush outlines his proposals using terrible grammar while making embarrassing speech snafus. today on 'talk of the nation' they asked listeners to call or email in suggestions of what they'd like to hear tonight. there were many articulate, eloquent and aware people calling in with radical ideas. how i wish they weren't considered radical, though. at the end of the segment they put together a mock SOTU address. you can listen to it if you'd like. words we will never hear out of bush's mouth, but we can dream. pieces of the mock speech that left me nodding, smiling, and hoping...

by the end of the decade this nation will convert from a petroleum based economy to one based on clean and abundant hydrogen

funding will be cut from missile defense and diverted to healthcare

government will tell the truth

we must be respectful of our position in the global environment

members of the government must disclose and return any funding they have received from corporate america

we will not involve ourselves in other countries' affairs unless invited on a mission of peace or made to by an act of war

oh, wouldn't it be nice...if even one of these things made it's way into bush's speech i would...i would...oh, i don't know what i'd do. it doesn't matter, unfortunately. unless they are drinking slushies and going skiing in hell, it ain't gonna happen.

step one of trip preparation: purchased my BOOTS last night at REI. not boots, but BOOTS. they were even on sale! i think they are trying to blow out the women's model, though, because only the men's version is listed on the website. guess not too many women buy these. i have gotten killer deals on mountaineering boots before: lowa civettas for $99 - normally $385, and some boreal boots cheap, too - only because the biggest size they had was a euro 39, which is what i wear. a plus to small feet!

i already have hiking boots that i love and that have accompanied me on many an outdoor adventure. always blister free. never needed second skin or moleskin or any of that with my old boots. they're not beefy enough, though, i need 'extending backpacking' (read: very very very very stiff. big. heavy) boots. now i have to break them in. lots of walking with heavy stiff feet. yay?

tried on backpacks, too. mine is old and no-frills, bought on a college budget years ago. now i have an excuse to buy a new one. i can order arcteryx gear below wholesale thanks to pro deals at the gym. (i didn't get paid for doing their website, but i get membership and can order gear at cost. not a bad deal. it makes it too easy to acquire more gear, though...ah...gear...) the one i need to get is HUGE. did i say HUGE? i take that back. it's GIGANTIC. the bora 95. sweet pack. loaded it with thirty five pounds at REI - if i leaned wrong i felt like i was going to fall over backwards. i'm going to be hauling upwards of 45 pounds on my trip. damn. i better start carrying everst on my back when i walk the dogs...

i am geeked on hiking boots and backpacks. hmm. i hope that's not a bad thing. sorry to subject y'all to my excitement. :)

it's snowing! it's snowing! in sacramento! at sea level! don't think it's gonna stick, but it's pretty damn cool.

i'm back...survived socal once again. notes:

the wedding was fun. dad is so happy. i am so happy. i wore heels for 6 hours and didn't break my ankle. however, i did manage to break two wineglasses and a bud vase. i also spilled coffee all over the head table just before the wedding. d'oh!

went to a great sushi place. not only good food - they also encourage you to dance on your chair after the meal. they played a sped up version of crash. interesting.

after the sushi place, went to ralph's and bought: kaberry kaboom, ooey gooey cake, phish phood and hazelunt gelato. mmm....ice cream....mmm...

every single time (no exaggeration) i turned on star 98.7 - in the car, house, walkman - i heard a u2 song. 8 different occurances. u2 every single time!!

heard john mayer on the radio for the first time. i remembered listening to a cd jenn made of this new artist nobody heard of while we were all in c'ville...and i was able to buy tickets at a tiny club right before a show. i have a feeling those days are over...

my dad asked the dj at the wedding to play dave matthews songs for me. i thought that was cool. i can't believe that he even remembered that i listened to them...go dad!

i ate at the orignial (and only suviving, i believe) bob's big boy in north hollywood. yes, they still had a 'big boy' outside. we have picture of my sister and i in front of a one from about 1980. ahh...memories...

my neighbor who i babysat as a teenager is 20. 20! i'm old. :)

hope everyone had a good weekend, said bless you (or some derivative) when someone sneezed, and avoided sneezing germs on your personal belongings. ;)